Negative Nellys, Haters, Naysayers, Debbie Downers. They may have different names but they’ve got the same agenda. They exist to block your path and to bring you down.
It’s quite possible that many haters don’t even realize they’ve moved into this role. I’d like to think that people don’t go through life with the desire to inflict ill will on others. Therefore, I believe the negative influencers are expressing visceral reactions from lower level consciousness. In other words, they aren’t coming from a place of higher self awareness.
We’ve all been there. My Negative Nelly showed up with a vengeance when I was in my deepest throws of depression. I don’t think I consciously wanted to bring others down, but I was seeing the world from a bleak perspective. So, that’s what I projected to others. It’s clear to me now, but it wasn’t clear to me then. I now know that my negative perspective towards others typically bubbled up from suppressed emotions such as fear, sadness and jealousy.
I’ll share a story that happened just this week. I finally figured out how to offer my Kids DVD as an instant download (something I’ve wanted to do for YEARS but the technology side of it was holding me back – or so I thought. It actually wasn’t that hard). You can check it out here if you’d like.
After I got the goods live on my site, I cruised over to Amazon to check the reviews on the hard copy DVD, which have been great (mostly 4 or 5 star reviews)… until today. Someone left a one star review, along with a nasty comment about our “low budget production.” (Shameless self promotion side note: If you’d be so kind to leave a 5-star review on the DVD, I’d be super grateful!). When I investigated this customer further, it became clear that she’s no stranger to leaving 1-star product reviews. So be it. Here’s what this Debbie Downer doesn’t know:
The DVD project is something that I was (and still am) very proud of. I’ve taught the art of hooping to thousands of kids over the past decade, and I’ve seen the way it’s helped to build their self confidence. I think it’s a win anytime we can get kids moving, playing and expressing themselves creatively. Molly and the Hoola Monsters was born from a genuine desire to help children and to instill healthy habits among youth. And while I may not have had the 80K that I was originally quoted to executive the project, I’m proud of what I created alongside my business partner Suzanne, who helped to make it possible. We also had the opportunity to collaborate with other artists like Beebs & Her Moneymakers and Bean Spence – which made the project even sweeter.
So, yea – I can let the 1-star review get me down. OR I can keep pushing forward on the passion projects that enable me to jump out of bed with rigor and excitement each morning, ready to rock my day.
There were many who thought I’d lost my marbles when I went full time with my hoop dance business also. I quit an 8-year, great paying marketing career to become a full time hula hooper and jewelry maker. Now, this is what my typical work day looks like:
Needless to say, I love my job and what I’ve created with Hoola Monsters, Hoola-Fit, Good Vibe Designs and Hoola Monsters Kids. And I know there are only more good things to come! But none if it would have been possible had I succumbed to the negative comments of my haters and naysayers.
Energy goes where attention flows and when we play into the negative emotions of others, we’re only making the drama more real. So, I now feel compassion towards the haters. They know not what they do. And as long as you don’t internalize their projections, you’re all good!
Here are 5 Ways to Deal with Haters:
- Replace the Negative Nellys in your life with Joyful Janes. Surrounding yourself with positive people who support your goals, dreams and visions makes such a difference! Choose people who uplift you, not those who bring you down.
- Re-focus your energy when negativity comes into play. In other words, think about something that inspires you and brings you joy (such as dance, art, music, or a nature walk) and go do that! Take a breather, take your time, and then get back to work on your passion projects.
- Don’t internalize the comments of haters. It’s not a reflection of you. It’s a reflection of them.
- Remember your ‘why.’ In other words, if you have a dream or vision that someone is shooting down, think about why you’re passionate about it in the first place. When we come from a soul purposeful place of passion, we speak from the heart.
- Oftentimes, haters are jealous of your willingness to do whatever it takes to pursue a dream. If they don’t have the guts to do it, they don’t want you to do it, either. But remember… a dream is just a dream if it’s not pursued. So, rock on with your bad self and re-frame that negativity into fuel for your success.