Turning the Page

When one chapter closes, take a deep breath and sit with it for a moment but do not dwell. Accept what is, and then turn the page.

We don’t choose what happens in our lives, but we do choose how we handle things. The old me would have spent last night in tears. The new me went out dancing.

I am proud of myself for the way I handled the end of this particular chapter. I confronted my truth, and I told him how I feel. Now, I am free of worry and distress. Reflecting on this situation, I have no regrets. I know what my spirit needs, and I am going to feed it with the things that make me happy. If and when a partner joins me on the journey, I will be grateful, but I won’t sit and wait for him to arrive. I will move forward on my path, and I will stay true to who I am.

So the story goes…
We agreed to see each other yesterday evening. It was his last night here before going back to California. We spoke on the phone as I drove home from work, and he said that he was having dinner with his family. We talked about going bowling, hanging out at my house or I might come to meet him at the beach. I was planning to enjoy my time with him and be present in the moment. I was hoping for a happy, relaxed evening full of smiles and laughter. I had a book to return to him as well.

During our phone conversation, I mentioned that I had to go home, change and let the dog out. I would text him when I was ready so we could make plans. I sent him a message around 7 p.m. asking if he would be at the beach a while longer. He messaged me back, saying he was still eating but he’d be done soon. Some time went by, and I asked if I should head his way or if he preferred to come to my house. His response: ‘not sure.’ By this time, it was approaching 8:30. I could feel the disappointment, frustration and hurt rise up inside of me. So, I wrote back: ‘your book is in my mailbox.’

Normally, I wouldn’t throw in the towel so quickly, but I should mention that there was confusion the last time he went home to California, surrounding the fact that he left without saying goodbye. In addition, we had specifically talked about meeting up early yesterday. I tried not to have expectations, but I really didn’t envision him letting me down, in the same way as last time. It was happening all over again.

I took a deep breath and sat with the feeling for a moment. I then grabbed my journal, got in my car and drove to my favorite restaurant. I called my friend Kristin on the way and asked her if she wanted to meet me there. As I waited for her to arrive, I ordered a glass of wine and my phone rang. I talked to him briefly. He invited me to his parents’ house, but I explained that I had made other plans at that point. He seemed surprised to hear that I wasn’t interested in coming over. It was 9 p.m. I told him I wasn’t home and that he could come pick up the book from my mailbox. I expressed my feelings of disappointment. I hung up the phone, and I wrote in my journal as I waited for Kristin.

When she got there, we had a great conversation and ordered some appetizers. Towards the end of our meal, two of our other friends showed up. It was a nice surprise to see them, and they told us that a good band was playing at the bar downstairs. About an hour later, the four of us were drinking sangria, laughing, dancing and taking silly pictures. Kristin had a hoop in the car, so we busted that out. Everyone wanted to try it – from the band members to the servers and customers at the restaurant.

What had the potential to be a really shitty night was completely transformed into an impromptu girls’ night out. I got home around 2 a.m. with a stomach sore from laughing.

We are the masters of our own destiny. Do not be a victim of circumstance. Create the reality you want.